I wonder where this will go…
I’m not even sure if anyone will stumble across this blog, but I feel the need to make public some of my thoughts on things religious since I am in the process of a major change in views and don’t feel comfortable sharing this with anyone I know. Perhaps someone will come across this who will understand my situation. Or maybe I’ll just get flamed a lot. (Any non-civil comments will be promptly deleted.)
So, who am I? I’m a music director in the Baptist church who has been struggling with doubts about his religion for years. In all honesty I started doubting my religion in high school. I spent a while after college studying reformed theology and convinced myself that the reason I had been doubting my faith was because I believed differently than I had been taught as a child (basically, I decided that I believed in Calvinism rather than Arminianism). I soon began to realize that this was not the case and I was, indeed, doubting the very foundations of Christianity.
I was raised in a Christian home; my father is a pastor and I was home schooled through high school. I attended a Christian college for my undergrad (I ended up getting a degree in church music), and have been employed by 4 different churches over the past ten years. Yet the more I thought about the things I had been taught about faith, the more I began to see that I couldn’t actually believe those things.
In this blog I will share some of my history, and the doubts I’ve had in the past, as well as explore the place I find myself now and further explore the doubts I have. I will accept criticism, but only thoughtful, logical criticism presented in a polite and positive way.
As of now, my biggest dilemmas are these:
- My family are devout Christians (and young-earth creationists) and I cannot bring myself to tell them of my long-term doubts in this religion, and total disbelief in such things as young-earth creationism and the inerrancy of scripture.
- I am employed (albeit part-time) by the church and have been unable to find employment elsewhere thanks to the wonderful recession we are in, but the longer I am there the more it becomes clear to me that I do not agree with the teachings of the church. Outside of the church teaching I see no other way to use the education I have worked on for 8 years to obtain (a masters of music) and I don’t feel that I am cut out for teaching. If I abandon my faith then I most likely am abandoning the career I have pursued, and owe tens of thousands of dollars for the education I have obtained.
Start by reading my story, then check out the rest of the blog.