Who am I? I’m a music director in the Baptist church who has been struggling with doubts about his religion for years. In all honesty I started doubting my religion in high school. I spent a while after college studying reformed theology and convinced myself that the reason I had been doubting my faith was because I believed differently than I had been taught as a child (basically, I decided that I believed in Calvinism rather than Arminianism). I soon began to realize that this was not the case and I was, indeed, doubting the very foundations of Christianity.
I was raised in a Christian home; my father is a pastor and I was home schooled through high school. I attended a Christian college for my undergrad (I ended up getting a degree in church music), and have been employed by 4 different churches over the past ten years. Yet the more I thought about the things I had been taught about faith, the more I began to see that I couldn’t actually believe those things.
In this blog I will share some of my history, and the doubts I’ve had in the past, as well as explore the place I find myself now and further explore the doubts I have. I will accept criticism, but only thoughtful, logical criticism presented in a polite and positive way. (Flamers and trolls will be ignored.)
As of now, my biggest dilemmas are these:
- My family are devout Christians (and young-earth creationists) and I cannot bring myself to tell them of my long-term doubts in this religion, and total disbelief in such things as young-earth creationism and the inerrancy of scripture.
- I am employed (albeit part-time) by the church and have been unable to find employment elsewhere thanks to the wonderful recession we are in, but the longer I am there the more it becomes clear to me that I do not agree with the teachings of the church. Outside of the church teaching I see no other way to use the education I have worked on for 8 years to obtain (a masters of music) and I don’t feel that I am cut out for teaching. In abandoning my faith then I am abandoning the career I have pursued, and owe tens of thousands of dollars for the education I have obtained.
It is my hope that, in addition to being a place for me to express my thoughts on these things, that my story will help others who are struggling.
Start by reading my story, then check out the rest of the blog.
Also, be sure to check out the Links, an annotated directory of some of the important people and and organizations with regards to atheism and free thinking.